Phuket, Phang-Nga and Krabi

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Unlike back home, where Mother's Day is set to perpetually fall on a Sunday and thus can never justify a day off work, in Thailand, it is aligned with the birthday of the queen and this year served as an excellent excuse for a three-day weekend. I asked many people how to head south to the island of Phuket and the universal answer was to go an hour east to the Bangkok bus terminal and catch a bus to the west. This seemed to me to be negative progress so I set about finding a way to catch transport en route. The most obvious approach seemed to be to go west to Nakhon Pathom and get the train to Surat Thani; I had no interest in going to Surat and it was on the opposite coast from my destination, but I figured I could just rent a bike and make a 1000km circuit. When I got to the station, I was informed that all trains for the night were sold out and that I would once again have to go with a standing ticket; however, after wandering through the city for a few hours and finally snapping a picture or two of the world's largest chedi, I returned to find that a second-class seat had opened up. Second-class seemed to be virtually identical to the half-priced third class, with no AC and a constant stream of mosquitoes, except that the seats had headrests and there were more people screaming at you in the middle of the night trying to sell you snacks.

Arriving at the station around 6AM (only 1.5 hours late – perhaps a new record for a Thailand train), the first thing I realized was that I was about 20km west of Surat Thani; I should've given up and taken a bus to Pha-Nga from here, but instead, I made the long trip into town and searched for a rental place. I soon found that there wasn't a single bike rental in the whole city and had no option but to make the 4-hour bus ride over to Krabi on the west coast. As I watched my day tick away, I tried my very best to justify this route over the cheaper bus trip that would've gotten me to the same place at 5:30 that morning, but I was drawing a blank.

The bus station turned out to be a good six kilometers from town and I thought I would take in the scenery with a leisurely stroll. Unlike in the great cities of Europe, in Asia you can't just waltz around and except to stumble into things; you have to know what you're looking for and have a speedy mode of getting there or you'll spend your whole day sampling roadside snacks and being chased by dogs. When I finally arrived in town, I attempted to rent a bike from a nearby guesthouse; I was just about to sign the contract when I realized the line “I agree to pay ______ in the event of an accident" – I asked that the owner fill this in with something, but she insisted that it be left blank and only be filled in when that eventuality came about; I wasn't entirely satisfied with this solution (though I should've remembered that contracts are just something Thai companies draw up to scare tourists and don't actually have any legal binding) and again set out on foot, following signs for a 65-million year-old fossil.

After walking in that direction for an hour, I asked someone and was informed that the site was actually 16 kilometers away, so I got a ride back to town and tried another rental place; this time, I happily signed my life away and got a 125cc bike that stalled each time you stopped and took about 20 minutes to start up again but otherwise worked just fine. About 5 minutes later, going around a corner on the way to the shell beach, a strong gust of wind carried me into a patch of sand and I flopped over as I had a few weeks earlier; this time around, a mirror was shattered and the brake lever broke off, but I made it out with only a few abrasions on my hand and leg. Undeterred, I continued on to the park and found absolutely nothing of any interest whatsoever – despite a hefty 200 baht admission fee (luckily no one was around to enforce this), I didn't manage to find a single prehistoric shell (though there were plenty of vendors selling more recent conchs).

The next stop was Ao Nang Beach that served as the main faraang district of the area with plentiful tour shops and overpriced western food. With an hour of daylight left, I headed north towards Pha-Nga. The scenery on the way up was fairly incredible with dramatic limestone cliffs randomly popping out of the level earth in all directions; unfortunately, the high winds were nearly toppling me at every corner, so I was slowed to a crawl and lost the latter half of the landscape to darkness.

The next morning, I set off at the crack of dawn for the pier where I could supposedly arrange a boat trip to the bay. Unfortunately, the signage was at its usual standard and I ended up in some random fishing village rather than the tourist port. The locals were more than happy to rent me a boat and were quite insistent that no other tourists would arrive to share the costs (they didn't bother to mention why) so I ended up getting a private trip on a long-tailed boat for 700 baht – this would've been quite a decent deal (the going rate being 1800) had I actually had any desire to have my own boat. We visited a Muslim fishing village where houses on stilts backed up against a sheer limestone wall; it seemed a bit over-touristed as the main alley was lined solely with souvenir shops and seafood restaurants; my driver was terrified of the prospect of going deeper into the shacks to see the mosque and other more authentic attractions. Next we drove through a cave and proceeded on to the famous island featured in “Man with the Golden Gun" before going by a rock shaped like a poodle and heading back to port. I had got them to agree to a 4-hour tour and although there were plenty of islands to fill this time, I only actually knew the name of two of them; I was a bit afraid that the driver would simply go extra slow to kill the time, but he didn't seem particularly concerned with such technicalities as honoring the agreement, so we finished in an hour and a half; the people I had given my money to were mysteriously absent upon my return.

Next it was another 50km to the island of Phuket. The main road down the island was a disgusting commercial strip lined with theme parks, restaurants and upscale resorts and ended in the touristy Phuket town. Heading west, the urbanization was replaced with a windy mountain road that swerved around impressive capes and tranquil beaches. Major construction efforts were underway in the tourist centers and many were virtually free of westerners, but the image was definitely one of renovation rather than recovery. Patong Beach was in full swing and boasted more bars, American restaurants, and other tourist grime than any Floridian beach could ever hope to offer. The surf was plenty big (but nothing of the 100m variety) and more than a few surfers chose to turn a blind eye to the red flags that lined the sands.

The weather had been virtually perfect throughout my trip thus far, but as I neared the northern tip of the circuit, the blue sky turned abruptly to black, painful sheets of rain began falling at steep angles, and heavy winds threatened to toss me into the air; even at 15kph, continuing on seemed impossible. I stopped at a random shop with a covered picnic table and randomly picked a dessert; it turned out the rice stick I had chosen was only 3 baht, so it wasn't really a purchase that justified a sit-down meal, but nonetheless I stuck around and pensively chewed while warily eyeing the storm outside. Fortunately the shop owner and his friends struck up a conversation before I had finished; they informed me that the place I had intended to go was around 150km from there and at my current rate of travel was in all likelihood not the course I wanted to take; the owner offered to let me stay at his house for no charge, and someone else mentioned getting me dinner; I'm pretty sure I agreed to both of these, but as so often happens in these scenarios there was a communication breakdown somewhere along the way and a few minutes later they were wishing me a safe journey on my trip north. The storm had subsided and I was able to make the relatively short trip back to the same motel in Pha-Nga where I had stayed the previous night; my previous plan to visit Khao Sok National Park and the world's biggest flower was quietly forgotten. On the road back, I came within inches of a head-on collision with the first in a line of five elephants that were trudging the wrong way down the bike lane with no lighting whatsoever; I can't imagine hitting one of these dark masses at 60kph would have done much good for me or my bike.

In the morning, I took a nearly empty, constantly twisting road through the mountains back in the direction of Krabi. On the way into town I visited the Tiger Cave Temple that sat several thousand feet above the surrounding landscape on an abrupt chunk of rock. Unlike in Kanchanaburi, they didn't have live tigers for guests to play with (it would've probably been quite a trick to get them up the 900-step staircase), but there were plenty of belligerent monkeys that would sit in the dead center of a step and force me to swing up the banisters to the upper levels. As could be expected, the views from the top were pretty incredible, and after I had regained consciousness following the ascent, I was inclined to stare out over the surrounding landscape and hold off on the return trip as long as possible.

Returning to town I took a boat from Ao Nang Beach out to a group of beaches that were world-famous for their rock climbing. The boat went straight out through the 2-m surf and was adeptly steered over each peak; though as one particularly huge wave crested right before our bow, our fate became clear and all my possessions were instantly soaking wet. We surfed into shore and just barely made it without tipping. There were a number of shops offering half-day rock-climbing trips but slogans such as “all instruction provided" and “fun for all ages from 5-105" deterred me, and I was content to just march through the formations of Diamond Cave and hike through the construction zones of the surrounding beaches. I returned via the “all-weather route" to the other side of the peninsula and grabbed a songtaew back to my bike.

The owner didn't seem terribly concerned about the damage to the bike and just made me pay for the replacement brake lever ($2.50); I had thrown on a new mirror earlier in the trip ($3). I had bought a tourist bus ticket through the same guesthouse and was sent out to the station with a random assortment of other faraang. This “air-conditioned bus to Bangkok" was one of the bigger scams I've fallen for in my travels; first, they stuck us on a public bus to Surat Thani (which made frequent stops and reached Surat with 20 people in the aisle), and then unloaded us at a shop where they attempted to sell us highly overpriced sandwiches claiming that the bus wouldn't make any stops on the way (though there was a 30-minute food stop a few hours in). I suppose the 10-hour trip to follow could've been a lot worse (I was half expecting the back of a truck), but the showing of the cinematic masterpiece “Resident Evil 2" and the fact that I was seated next to a giant of a man who felt entitled to half of my seat as well as his own, put me off long-distance bus-travel for at least another week.


Looming over the quiet streets of Nakhom Pathom - the biggest Buddhist monument in the world



Where'd all these weird rocks come from?



My Thai co-workers didn't understand why I took this picture


Surf's up



I guess the waves could be worse... much, much worse












Next 300 or so shots - Pha-Nga Bay









Muslim fishing village













Into the cave







James Bond Island


































Weird Phuket theme park - I don't think this guy pulls in the kiddies like the mouse does


Sea Gypsy Village




Fire cracker cone


Wat Chalong
















You think hitting a deer or kangaroo will mess you up?











Mischievous monkeys and glass bottles - not a good combination


What? You want to use these stairs? What does that have to do with me?





900 steps later...





View from the Tiger Temple







New tiger temple Parking Garage





World-famous rock-climbing spot... should've brought a rope


Diamond Cave




My first-ever Thai souvenir (note the all-important "Made in Thailand" sticker)